i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
im on a boat
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