She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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