i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
