ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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