Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
