I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
