His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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