somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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