I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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