note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
