I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
