can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize