but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
