U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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