when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
