anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
