I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
