VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
