I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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