They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
