When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
