You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
