matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
