I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
