so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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