happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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