it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize