Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
