Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
True strength comes from lack of pants
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
