Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
