The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
