Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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