my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
