We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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