Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
