she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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