census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
40s are totally the cure
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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