Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
