he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Randomize
