Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
