I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
