I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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