His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
