You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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