how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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