i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
