who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
