It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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