I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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