Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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