so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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