it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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