Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
