yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
