just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
