Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
