He uses pillows to masturbate.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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