we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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