Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
