Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Sorry my hands just texted you
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
