Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
