There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize