Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
