They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
