just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Randomize
