so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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