Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
