You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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