I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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