That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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