You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
