I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
