Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I want her autograph on my taint
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Oh god it's open bar.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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