this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
