next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
