He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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