pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
