I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
