I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
