dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
